The Genteel Stick Society
by Mega-Prindel-of-Doom
Summary: Jayfeather and Germany are united in their love for sticks, transcending genre and all common sense. Hence, they present to you, their stick society! I suck at summaries. Do note that this is meant to be a crack-fic. Chapter 3 up! With 4th wall breaking!
1. The Meeting

**I do not own Warriors or Hetalia: Axis Powers. Sadly. But soon, I will. *smiles evilly***

**Just joking.**

Jayfeather stroked his stick lovingly. Its beautifully textured bark, its wonderfully shaped body, the aged grooves carved in long ago by Rock… "Wait a second," Jayfeather muttered, "this isn't my stick!" Turning to the country beside him, he said: "Ludwig, we'd better trade."

"Of course," Germany replied. "Herr Stick's bark is smoother than this." As they swapped their sticks, Jayfeather picked up a cup of tea with his other paw and began sipping it, despite having no opposable thumbs and being blind.

"Hey! Just because I'm blind doesn't mean I can't become a tea connoisseur!" Jayfeather snapped. "Who are you talking to anyway?" Germany inquired. "Just the authoress," Jayfeather replied, to the utmost confusion of Germany. "By the way, do you want to know a recipe for cupcakes?"

_Meanwhile, behind a bush just outside Germany's house…_

"Shush, Hollyleaf, I'm trying to listen!" Lionblaze growled. The tom was perched precariously on the top of a random garden gnome which possessed a maniacal leer. "Traitor to the warrior code!" Hollyleaf snarled angrily. "How dare he consort with that twoleg! And share Firestar's cupcake recipe with him too!" "Wait, what?" Lionblaze gasped. "Firestar makes cupcakes?" "That's not the point! Anyway, we'd better bring him back to Firestar for selling out Thunderclan's secret to world domination!" Following that, Hollyleaf let out an evil laugh that caused Lionblaze to shudder. "Remember, schedule her mental health appointment with Leafpool as soon as possible," he noted to himself.

Just then, Hollyleaf's ears perked up as she began to creep towards a small yellow chick flitting about near a tall twoleg who was just passing their hiding place. "Stop, what are you doing?" Lionblaze hissed as he attempted to pull Hollyleaf back into the cover of the bush, hampered by his lack of opposable thumbs.

But, it was too late. As Hollyleaf leapt from the bush and towards the bird, it turned its head around three hundred and sixty degrees and used its eyes to fire out concentrated beams of awesome into Hollyleaf. The she-cat collapsed into the ground mid-leap with a sickening crunch, squashing Lionblaze under her bulk. "Ow!" Lionblaze yowled. "You really need to lay off the freshkill, Hollyleaf!"

An ominous shadow fell on Lionblaze as he struggled to get up. All he heard was an evil sounding "kesesese" before the twoleg bonked him over his head with a large rifle, knocking him unconscious. Still laughing, the twoleg threw the bodies of the two cats over his shoulder as he headed for the front door, with the yellow chick still flying beside him.

_Back in Germany's house…_

Between sips of tea, Jayfeather and Germany discussed the aspects of stick-husbandry, with bark conditioning, wood cleaning, and of course, the all important polishing. Suddenly, the door was kicked open, and Prussia strode in with Gilbird fluttering about his head and two cats slung over his back, which Jayfeather instantly recognized as Hollyleaf and Lionblaze. "Wh-what?" Prussia gaped at the strange sight of a cat drinking tea with his brother in the living room while having a discussion about their sticks.

Before Jayfeather could say or do anything, Prussia screamed loudly before fainting clean away, dropping Hollyleaf and Lionblaze onto the ground as he did so. "Well," said Jayfeather, "since my incompetent littermates are here, I'd better get going. Firestar will become suspicious if I stay too long. You can introduce us next time." Sighing, he hopped off the settee and grasped his stick in his mouth, as well as the pelts of his siblings, and slowly ambled off.

Germany glanced at the prone body of his brother. He had a lot of explaining to do when Prussia woke up.

**Heh, hope you enjoyed the story. Side effects of reading this include: insanity, a sudden craving for tea, trying to shoot beams of AWESOME from your eyes, and attempting to spy on siblings to check that they have not been meeting up with Jayfeather. Hope you enjoyed it! Spare a review for a poor authoress?**


	2. The Invitation Part One Dunh dunh dunh

**Warning: Out-of-characterness and extreme, lawful stupid Hollyleaf present. As noted before, I don't own Hetalia or Warriors or any paladins mentioned, (not that I would want to of course), but I do own this fanfiction! Bwahahaha!**

"Unggggh…" Lionblaze moaned. "That was some great party we had last night. Now where in Starclan am I?" A grey tabby stepped out from the shadows of the damp den. "I am Jayfeather, and welcome to my lair," he intoned mysteriously. "I know where you live, I know who your friends are, and I know what you did last summer- I mean Greenleaf. And maybe last night, too."

"Aieeeee! It's a ghost! From Starclan!" shrieked Lionblaze in a very feminine voice which was not humanely possible for a male of any species to possess. (Unless you're Romano of course. But that's another story altogether. ) "I confess! I confess! I have a secret stash of 'Playtom' under my bedding, I was the one who perpetrated that noodle prank then blamed it on Berrynose, I ate your catmint when I was an apprentice, I have a crush on Cinderheart and I like the colour pink!"

The tom said all of this in one breath extremely loudly, which would have been fine if not for Leafpool , who had been eavesdropping outside. "So you're the thief!" hissed Leafpool, jumping into the den, and pulling a gun out of nowhere, just like what Germany did in the anime. "Prepare! To! Meet! Your! **DOOM!**" Thankfully, Lionblaze was saved from immediate dismemberment by the still sleeping Hollyleaf, whom Leafpool tripped over in a desperate attempt to claw Lionblaze. That caused her to smack her head hard onto Jayfeather's stick, putting her out like a light.

The two toms exchange stunned looks Actually, it was mostly Lionblaze, seeing that Jayfie was blind… "Cut that out!" Jayfie yowled. "Stop making puns about my blindness, stop using the word see or anything to do with it, and stop calling Jayfie! It's not dignified!" "So says the tom who just witnessed, I mean _heard_ his own mother knocking herself unconscious while trying to kill his brother. Dignified indeed," Prindel murmured under her breath. "What did you say about my mother?" Jayfeather's ears perked instantly. Something about Leafpool being… "Nothing!" Prindel quickly said. It was soon, too soon to reveal this. Poor things, they would have to know the truth someday, but for now, it was too early to let them to know.

"Prindel?" Jayfeather queried. When the authoress stayed silent, he snorted. Silly twoleg, always randomly coming and going. A sudden yowl broke into his thoughts. "Save me, save me!" Lionblaze was screeching, as what seemed to be Hollyleaf was attacking him. "Traitor to the Warrior Code! Smite traitor, smite traitor!" "Come on, Hollyleaf," Lionblaze said, rather disgruntled. "What are you? Miko Miyazaki? Anyways, if I'm the best warrior in the clan, how can you ever defeat me?" "The Warrior Code gives me **POWER**!" hissed Hollyleaf. "Shun the non-believers!"

"By the way," she added, "some twoleg is calling you on your cell phone thingy, if that's what twolegs call it. Personally, I don't use them." She clumsily handed the phone over. Jayfeather gripped it with ease, even though both cats had no opposable thumbs. Very suspicious indeed. A plot hole, if you ask me. "Oh great, now the authoress is lampshading the plot holes herself," grumbled Jayfeather, as he answered his phone.

"What did you say?" the voice on the other end asked. "By the way, I am Ludwig. Is this Jayfeather?" "Yes, of course," Jayfeather replied, pleased to find that it was not Breezepelt prank-calling him again. "Would you like to hold another meeting at my house? Brother has gotten over his shock and would quite like to meet you. Bring some friends. Bye!" Germany, or Ludwig as Jayfeather addressed him, abruptly hung up just as a high-pitched voice on the other end called: "Ve, Doitsu, help! My shoelaces are untied again!" "I wonder who that was…"Jayfeather thought to himself. "Never mind, I must get ready!" He pulled out a pencil and a piece of paper from his own fur and skipped out of the den, leaving one smashed cell phone, a stunned Lionblaze, a (literally) stunned Leafpool, and a completely insane (and not in a good way either) she-cat.

To be continued…

**Oh, and if you're wondering why Hollyleaf is so mad, it's because Lionblaze insulted section 34.1 of her warrior code: 'Never insult the Warrior Code (or else)!' Sadly, this wasn't very funny. Part 2 will, be better, I promise! *Crosses fingers nervously***


	3. Where's the fourth wall?

**Warning: Super wordy content up ahead. Approximately 4,238 words and the chapter has not even been finished yet!**

_At Germany's house…_

Germany swiftly put the phone down. If he wanted to find all the countries he had decided to invite, he'd have to hurry. He got up from his desk and quickly walked towards the door, only to find it barricaded by something heavy. Furthermore, it was snoring, and quite loudly too. Sighing, Germany stuffed Herr Stick into his pocket (he must have had pretty deep pockets), and climbed out of the window. Had he not been a trained soldier, it would have been a messy job, to say the least. After all, Germany's office was conveniently located on the second storey of his home.

As he strolled towards the gate, he made a mental note of the countries he had picked. "Let's see, there's Italy, Japan, England, America, China, Austria, who would probably take Hungary, (who would probably murder brother for some long forgotten misdeed); Switzerland, Liechtenstein, France, Poland, and Russia, as well as Spain, and Italy's brother Romano. Oh, and a misty country whose name I can't remember." And so, with his mental invitation list, Germany made his way to a certain pasta-loving Italian's house.

_Back at the clans' lakeside home…_

Jayfeather skipped out of the medicine cat den. In his mind, he had already formulated a list of cats to invite. "All the medicine cats, since, you know, they would be offended if they weren't invited, all the leaders, to grace the occasion, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and of course, Crowfeather, even though I have no idea why." Humming merrily, he made his way to Firestar's den, much to the disturbance of Icepaw and Foxpaw, as they had no idea that that weird tune was actually Germany's Marukaite Chikyuu. In fact, come to think of it, they were possibly more shocked by the fact that Jayfeather was abnormally cheerful. "It must be his time of the month," Icepaw whispered to Foxpaw, who nodded vigorously.

"Hey! Firestar!" Jayfeather yowled as he reached the entrance of Firestar's den. There was no reply. Sticking his head in, Jayfeather pricked his ears at the sound of someone, or something, biting into something crunchy. To be precise, it sounded like this: "nom nom nom nom". "Firestar! I know you're in there!" Jayfeather shouted. Scenting the air, he picked up the smell of twoleg food. It smelled like the pastries Germany had baked before, cookies, apparently.

Jayfeather smirked. This was the perfect opportunity to blackmail, no; _persuade_ his leader to go with him to Germany's house. "Firestar, I know you're eating cookies." "No, I am not! Mphf!" Firestar replied defensively, accompanied by the sound of someone trying to swallow a cookie whole. "I know you are. And if you agree to one favor, I will not reveal your secret to the other leaders at the next gathering, or tell Greystripe where your secret stash is." "Fine!" Firestar growled. "One favor can't kill me anyway." "Oh, you'll be surprised," Jayfeather muttered under his breath, before filling Firestar in on the details. "And remember to bring a stick!" Jayfeather called. "I'm off to WindClan now!" And with that, he left a stunned Firestar still protectively clutching his cookies.

_At Italy-Chan's house…_

"And so, that's why I need you to go to my house," Germany explained. After countless interruptions, one bowl of spilt pasta, and one hissy fit from Romano, Germany had finally finished his explanation on why he wanted Italy to go to his house. "Ve! That's great!" Italy squealed. "May I go with you to the other countries' homes? Please? ?" Germany sighed. It was going to be a long day. "Only if you promise to keep far away from Switzerland's house, you know how he's like, especially after the pasta incident of '09 which shall go unnamed. And stop saying 'please' so much." "Veeee! I'm going to help Doitsu!" Italy sang, dancing around his living room, before jumping on a pissed off Romano. The resulting explosion resulted in a large hole in the roof of the house, which rivaled the size of the hole in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

Rolling his eyes, Germany grabbed a random stick lying on the dining table before dragging Italy out. He did not want his love-I mean _friend _to be murdered by Romano when the irritable half-nation landed on Earth again. Honestly, only Italy could anger his older brother so much until he flew out of the house, which would technically be impossible, due to physics.

_At Switzerland's place…_

Switzerland squinted from his window. It was a lovely sunny day, but the nation was not out enjoying the sunshine like Liechtenstein. No, he was waiting, in ambush, for someone. A certain memetic molester, to be exact. He could hear footsteps. A greeting, from Liechtenstein. Was it France? No, it couldn't be. He would already be naked, which would have terrified Lichtenstein. No, it was-"Veeee!" Italy sang as he skipped up the path to Switzerland's door. "No!" Switzerland gasped in horror. "Anyone but that pasta-loving, streaking excuse of a nation!" He aimed the barrel of the gun right at Italy's forehead. It would be the perfect revenge for the hours, not to mention all the money he had spent on therapy after that incident involving the pasta. He shuddered involuntarily. It still gave him nightmares. His finger itched to pull the trigger.

Switzerland stopped short. Another figure was following Italy, one clad in a dark green military uniform. Germany! Switzerland sighed in relief. The relatively sane nation would help keep Italy in check… Wait! Was that Germany talking to a _stick_? Switzerland could not believe his eyes. "Not another loss of a sane one! They were already rare to begin with!" Switzerland bemoaned the loss of yet another sane nation, who was obviously (to his extremely sane self at least) crazy beyond redemption. While Switzerland was contemplating whether or not to put Germany out of his misery by shooting him, Italy has already reached the door.

"Ve! Switzerland! Germany is having a stick party with some talking cats and both of you are invited!" "A _stick_ party… _Talking_ cats?" Switzerland whispered to himself slowly in disbelief. He hoped that the insanity was not catching. "Well, it is better than a German sparkle party," Liechtenstein offered, looking hopefully at Switzerland with puppy-dog eyes. "Well…" Switzerland felt his resolve slipping. "It's settled then," Germany cut in. "Remember to bring a stick!" Dragging Italy behind him, Germany speedily dashed off to goodness knows where. "They're probably going to the asylum," Switzerland muttered to himself. "Good riddance!"

_At the border between ThunderClan and WindClan…_

Jayfeather scented the air cautiously. If he were to cross it successfully, he'd have to use his wits. He gingerly poked one paw in. When a random WindClan patrol did not suddenly jump out from a bush, Jayfeather poked another paw in. Still, nothing happened. "Good," Jayfeather thought to himself. "At least I won't have anything to worry about yet-" His thoughts were abruptly broken when a cat suddenly pounced on him. "Gotcha!" he yelled triumphantly. _Breezepelt! _Jayfeather rolled his eyes. The mousebrain was so stupid; he didn't even notice that he had pushed Jayfeather further into ThunderClan territory. "Oh well, at least I'll be spared the agony of finding my own way to the WindClan camp," Jayfeather thought to himself. A fat lot of good _that_ was. He'd have to put up with the idiot all the way to WindClan's camp. He sighed. This was going to be a _long _trek…

In the pan of time that took the two toms to traverse WindClan's terrain, Jayfeather was sure that if given the chance, the tom would have kept on bragging about his accomplishments in _Starclan_! When they finally reached the camp, Jayfeather was prepared to beg Onestar for sweet death, rather than listen to anymore retellings of Breezepelt's life: The Unabridged Series. Onestar, however, was more shocked to see Breezepelt returning, instead of the trespassing ThunderClan cat.

"How could this have happened?" Onestar gasped. "I followed the instructions in that twoleg book carefully! I mean, I even made sure that he wasn't carrying any breadcrumbs with him! For the sweet love of Starclan, why did he come back?" He collapsed to the ground dramatically. "Don't disturb my mourning!" he snarled at two warriors who had come to drag him back to his den. Used to Onestar's hammy moments, they swiftly retreated. "He's never been the same since his catmint addiction," one of warriors whispered to the other as they headed towards the warriors' den.

Meanwhile, Breezepelt was boasting to his large and un-adoring audience about how he had "captured" Jayfeather after a _huge_ fight. The only impressed cat was his mother, Nightcloud. After every sentence he spoke, she would add: "My darling son!" Her mate, Crowfeather, attempted to pretend that he and Breezepelt were unrelated, and that Nightcloud was never his mate. All this Jayfeather knew, through the convenience that it awarded the plot.

"Right, like capturing a blind medicine cat on the _ThunderClan_ side of the border who chose to go with you because of some sinister reason of his own accord was _that _hard to do," Jayfeather interjected. "Of course it was!" Nightcloud defended her beloved 'smoochy-kins'. "I mean, you could have killed him!" The other WindClan cats shook their heads, but did not bother to correct her. Jayfeather assumed that her outbursts were becoming a regular occurrence in WindClan.

"So, anyway," Jayfeather said. "I've come here to invite Crowfeather, Onestar, Barkface, and Kestrelflight to a stick party held by my twoleg friend, who actually is a moe anthropomorphism of a country, no matter how improbable that is." The silence that followed was only interrupted by the chirping of a few crickets, and by Nightcloud foaming at the mouth. "Oh, forget it," Jayfeather muttered darkly. "Just show up at ThunderClan camp at dawn tomorrow, and bring a stick." If these idiots were anything to go by, RiverClan would be extremely easy to persuade. Turning around, Jayfeather picked up a GPS he found on the ground, and used it to get to RiverClan. WindClan, on the other hand, remained frozen, complete with Nightcloud's foaming at the mouth, until sunset. (Why? Because I want them to, that's why!)

_Right outside England's house…_

Germany coughed as he tried to find his way out of the noxious fumes. It was a mistake, going to England's house, when the wind was blowing towards them. The smoke from England's 'food', if you could call it that, was overpowering. Around him, plants were wilting, birds were falling from the sky, and it generally looked like the site of a large nuclear accident. Germany rolled his eyes. If he wanted exposure towards some dangerous substance, he would have visited Ukraine instead. It was a good thing he left Italy up the path he had come from, far off from England's cooking, with Herr Stick. They needed protection from England's cooking anyway.

As Germany neared England's house, a low, guttural chanting became imminent. Germany swore he heard Dumbledora the Explorer being mentioned, and wondered if England was secretly a pedophile like Spain and the Netherlands, who watched children's shows just to- Germany sighed. He was letting his imagination get away with him again. Besides, he did _not_ want to know, or even think about, England's relationships with children, especially with Sealand.

Hesitantly, Germany knocked on England's door, expecting some scones to fall on him at any moment. Who knew, they could be radioactive, for all he knew about England's cooking. Maybe the nation was drunk. He could always come back next time…

"Got you!" a distinctively British voice yelled from behind him, while a gloved hand grabbed his shoulder. Slowly, Germany turned around, only to see England, with batter and chalk-dust all over him. "So, what were you doing?" Germany queried. If he was going to die of food poisoning, like Prussia almost did, he might as well find out about 'Dumbledora', whoever, or whatever that was. "And who's Dumbledora?"

"It's nothing," England looked away shiftily. "Err, would you like to come in and take a seat? Maybe have some scones, while you're at it." Germany backed away quickly, with a panicked expression on his face. "I'm having at party at my house tomorrow morning, and all you need to do is to bring a stick. Bye!" Without looking back, Germany sprinted up the path he had taken, grabbed Italy and Herr Stick, and ran all the way to France's house.

"It's okay England," Flying Mint Bunny appeared with a minty green poof. "One day, you'll find a nation who really appreciates you cooking." "Thanks," England smiled through his tears. "I'll show that frog what my cooking is made up of." He grinned manically. Suddenly, Flying Mint Bunny's smile turned into a frown. "Wait, what's that toxic smell? It's like acid or something. And it _burns_!" With another minty green poof, she vanished.

"Those were my scones, you bloody git!" England face palmed. "Good Lord, why?" He was cut short by yet another dead bird landing on his head. He mentally reminded himself not to add curry powder, green tea, and rum to scones ever again, lest the smoke kill any more endangered animals. With a sigh, England threw the dead bird into the pile of assorted dead woodland creatures stacked high on his front yard and went back into his kitchen to bake cookies for Germany's party.

_At the border between RiverClan and WindClan…_

"Halt! Who goes there!" a random RiverClan cat yowled. Jayfeather stiffened. He had been wandering for a long time on the marshy ground; unsure of which part exactly in RiverClan was he in. "I suppose I should be grateful," Jayfeather thought, as he heard the patrol coming closer to him. "Wait, it's the ThunderClan medicine cat! Quick, lead him to camp, Willowshine's expecting somebody!" The cat, whose gender Jayfeather wasn't sure of, ordered its companions, while gently pushing his rear, leading him towards what presumably was the RiverClan camp, while the two other RiverClan cats flanked them. "It seems familiar," Jayfeather's thoughts trailed away from the stick party. "If only I could remember who he or she is…"

"_She's not that important in this fic anyway, at least not now she isn't."_

"Oh, great. It's you, Prindel." Jayfeather sighed. Trust the authoress to come in right now.

"_Yup! It's me! Try not to make your part in RiverClan too long, or most of it will become off-screen action. And the readers won't like that," the insane authoress chirped. "I learnt that from Tvtropes."_

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Jayfeather growled. "But try not to tell the others. They don't know the existence of the fourth wall yet, or how to break it either." "What fourth wall?" asked the she-cat, with curiosity glinting in her brain. (You know, since Jayfeather's blind and can't see her eyes?) "And who or what are you talking to?" "Nothing much," Jayfeather replied, and quickened his pace.

"_Yep, I'm nothing much, except for the fact that I decide how the story goes. If I wanted you in a pink dress, I could do so, you know," Prindel smirked evilly. Hey, that could be entertaining, to say the least…_

"Hurry up and get on with it!" Jayfeather snarled under his breath so the she-cat couldn't hear him.

"_Okey Dokey then, I'm off to write about Germany and his high-pitched, pasta-loving boyfriend. See you in the next chapter or so. By the way, the she-cat is Mistyfoot. Ciao!"_

"Mistyfoot…" Jayfeather mumbled. The RiverClan deputy. So that's why her voice was so familiar. She always spoke at Gatherings, didn't she? "Did you just say my name?" the she-cat queried. "You seem a bit strange today, Jayfeather. You've been talking to no one in particular. Are you sure you're fine?" Jayfeather's pelt burnt hot with embarrassment. "Yes, I'm quite well, thank you." Stupid Prindel! Now, RiverClan would think that he was high on catmint. Shaking off a few drops of water from his fur, Jayfeather hastened his speed. He needed to get to RiverClan before late sunhigh.

"Jayfeather, you're going the wrong way! Wait up!"

_Right outside Austria's house…_

"What did France say?" Germany asked Italy. For fear of spooking the perverted nation, he had sent Italy over to ask France to the party instead. "Ve, Germany, it was very strange," Italy said thoughtfully. "He didn't try to hug me or let me read any of his never before seen books. He just smiled and said that he would bring a _special_ stick. Ve, isn't big brother France great?" Germany nearly tripped over the other nation in horror. Knowing France, he had a very good idea of what that _special_ stick was, and it was not fit for innocent nations like Italy or Liechtenstein to see either. He reminded himself to replace France's stick with a regular one, before anyone could become mentally scarred for life.

Beautiful strains of music could be heard coming from Austria's house, along with the sounds of a camera, busy snapping away. "I think Hungary's in," Germany muttered as he crept to the back of the house. "Ve, Germany. Why are you going to the back of the house?" a puzzled Italy asked. "If we manage to catch Hungary, we can ask her to persuade Austria to come, since he's probably too- oh, forget it." Germany stopped short. Criticizing Austria while within a five kilometer radius of Hungary would only result in two things: a trip to the ICU, and amnesia. He should know. Prussia had been injured enough times for Germany to become an expert in treating head injuries.

"Hello, Germany. Hi, Italy! What can I do for you?" Hungary asked as she slowly turned around. Beside her, a sliver, palm-sized appliance was beeping. "Oh, my yaoi radar is going off again. This means only one thing: yaoi!" "I have a bad feeling about this," Germany whispered to Italy. "Maybe we should-" However, the hyper-active Italian was nowhere to be found. Looking up, Germany saw him unloading the details of the party to a very interested Hungary. "Oh, crap." Hungary was probably going to ask them to perform some lewd acts as a favor for her dragging Austria to the party.

_Ding! You're totally right! Hilarity __**will**__ ensue._

Germany shivered. In addition to the yaoi-crazed Hungary, he also had a feeling that somewhere, someone was watching, and dictating his every move. (Oh, I wonder who _that_ was…) "Do you just get the feeling that we're being watched? And that our life is one series of pre-dictated actions after another?" he wondered out loud. "Ve, Germany, where would you get such a silly idea?" Italy laughed. "Who would want to watch us?"

_Somewhere in RiverClan…_

"My authoress senses are tingling," Jayfeather murmured. "Something tells me Prindel is off scaring Germany." "Germany-who?" Mistyfoot asked. "You sure you're okay?" The other cats just backed away.

_At Canada's house…_

"I just got the urge to say: 'It's Canada! Not Germany!' to a talking cat. Is something wrong with me?" Canada frowned. Kumajirou looked up at him. "Who are you?" "I'm Canada!"

_Somewhere, outside Austria's window~ (Sing this to the tune of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow")_

"Canada…" Germany suddenly said out loud. "It seems like I've got some plot exposition or something…" "Ve, Germany, what's plot exposition?" Italy asked. "In fact, I myself have no idea," Germany said, a puzzled look appearing on his face. "It's almost as if someone, somewhere, is messing with us…" "In that case," Hungary grinned, with some random shading suddenly appearing on her face, "Let's see some yaoi! In return, I'll help you invite Austria!"

"Fine," Germany growled. He didn't even know why the heck he was acting so out of character just to invite Austria. Bending down, he scooped up Italy in a hug. "No, I want a kiss, a kiss!" Hungary squealed, jumping up and down. "And not on the cheek either. I want it on the lips!" "No way!" Germany gasped in horror. "You'll post the pictures all over the internet! And Prussia will laugh at me for the rest of my life!"

"Nope, I promise, they're for my _personal_ use only, and let's leave it at that, okay?" Hungary smiled. "Can I just let you hit my brother?" Germany pleaded. "As tempting as that sounds, no," Hungary smirked. "I can hit him any time I want, anyway."

"Ve, what's the big deal?" Italy chirped. "Okay, Hungary, here goes!" He tiptoed upwards and caught Germany in a kiss, as Hungary snapped away. Ten snaps later, she said, "You can break away now." Before either Germany or Italy could do anything, a horrified scream was heard coming from Austria's window. "Oh God, my eyes! I didn't know you two were _that_ kind of friends!" Germany instantly spun around to see a happy Hungary checking her camera's memory card, while a shocked Austria stared blankly at them.

"Hungary! You should have warned me!" Germany snapped angrily. "Heh, you can go now," Hungary sniggered, as Austria disappeared back to his piano, presumably to express his shock with Chopin. Germany gave her one last death glare before running away with Italy in tow, his face flushed with embarrassment. "Bye Hungary!" Italy yelled. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow!"

_In Germany's pocket…._

"Oh, God! My brain! My ears! Aaaaaargh! Pass the brain bleach, please!"

_In the RiverClan camp…_

"Welcome, I was expecting you, in accordance with the prophecy." Jayfeather looked, sorry, pricked his ears up at the sound. "Mothwing, is that you?" "In accordance with the prophecy, yes, that is me," Mothwing replied. Jayfeather could sense an aura of mystery emitting from her; no, that would be the smell of stale fish. _Extremely_ stale fish. Jayfeather backed tracked. Did she ever wash herself? "You smell stale fish," Mothwing said solemnly. "StarClan has warned me of this. And it's not like I can't see or don't believe in StarClan or anything due to my stupid brother Hawkfrost faking an omen which made me a medicine cat. I'm the real deal!"

"Isn't that great!" Mistyfoot exclaimed cheerfully. "We have a hundred percent qualified and certified medicine cat that believes in StarClan and can totally interpret prophecies!" Jayfeather suppressed the need to bash his head repeatedly against a random wall. Fish was supposed to increase one's intelligence, not to make a cat so thick that they couldn't even spot suspiciously specific denial that was right in front of their noses. Sometimes, he thought that RiverClan cats had lost all their genre savvy, not to mention common sense, way back in the second series.

"Greetings," a serious mew came from Jayfeather's left. "I have been expecting you." Even though it would probably be pointless since he couldn't see, Jayfeather whirled around to face Willowshine. He dipped his head formally. "I've come to invite you, Leopardstar, and Mothwing to a-" He was interrupted by Mothwing, who loudly yelled: "A German Sparkle Party! This is in accordance with the prophecy, of course." "No, I meant a stick party," Jayfeather meowed flatly. "Oh," Mothwing sighed with disappointment, and ran off to the medicine cat, presumably to curl up in a ball and rot there in embarrassment.

"All you need to do is to bring your own sticks," Jayfeather continued. "Meet me tomorrow at dawn, in the ThunderClan camp. Oh, and by the way, we're going to a twoleg's house." "A twoleg?" Willowshine was understandably shocked. "But what will StarClan, not to mention the Warrior Code, say?" "Technically, he's a more of a moe anthropomorphism of a country than an actual twoleg, so it should be fine. Besides, only other cats and countries will be invited. So, um, see you there?" Jayfeather offered weakly.

Before Willowshine could respond, a drunken 'hic' was heard behind the two chatting kitties. "Countries and cats, that sounds like a good name for a rock band, tee-hee," giggled the thoroughly soused RiverClan leader. "About Leopardstar…" Willowshine muttered under her breath. "She's been acting a bit strange lately. Maybe Mistyfoot could take her place?" "That'll be fin-" Jayfeather hadn't even finished his sentence when the old, and most probably senile she-cat yowled, "Tee-hee, I can hear voices! And it's telling me about a fourth wall or something! I think I can feel it!" Leopardstar ran her paw along the air.

_Yay! Disturbing characters is fun!_

"Prindel, I thought that you would only come back to bother us in the next chapter or something," Jayfeather growled. "Who's Prindel?" asked Willowshine worriedly. "And why are you talking to it?" "You can hear voices too!" crowed Leopardstar triumphantly. "You're one of us!" "One of us! One of us!" the rest of RiverClan chanted in the background. "My clan's getting high again. You'd better go," Willowshine whispered as she pushed Jayfeather in the general direction of ShadowClan. "I bet it's the fish they ate yesterday. Go and find Blackstar, before it's too late. If Mothwing and I make it out tomorrow, we'll go to your party. Goodbye!" No sooner had Jayfeather stepped out of the camp when the sounds of retching were heard. They were followed by a frantic "I'm coming!" by Mothwing. Jayfeather shuddered. Wiping up the remains of a food-poisoned cat was the worst part of being a medicine cat. That and the rectal examinations they had to give every season. Yuck. Jayfeather shook himself to rid his brain of the traumatizing thoughts, before he headed off towards ShadowClan's territory.

**Author's Note: Writing this was fun! I apologize for the late and lazy attempt at updating. The other half of the chapter should be up by the next update, and the real meeting may be up latest by June, seeing as us Singaporeans only have our mid-year holidays then. Thanks for all your reviews and favourites, I really appreciate it! Also, I like poking fun at characters through the fourth wall (what? It amuses me), so there will be more of this ahead. All flames will be used as ammunition for my flamethrower. **

**Ps: I'm really sorry for the bad pun mentioned above.**


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